My husband and I really have something sweet going here. I am in a place I never thought I would be. A happy suburban housewife, in a loving relationship with 2 beautiful kids and a dog on the way. Who am I? How did I get here? If you would have asked me in my 20s where I would be in almost 20 years, this is not what I had envisioned.
Honestly, looking back, my early 20s were not that great. I was working two jobs, one office job during the day and a bar maid job at night. I was going to community college 2 nights a week. I had my own place but was an enabler in a bad relationship. I was distant from my parents. And I did not value myself or my time. Of course, I did not know this then. I was 22 years old and convinced I could change the people and places around me without changing myself. I thought I was tough and independent, but I was just miserable. I lied to myself and others about how I was right where I wanted to be.
Lately, I have been seeing this thing on facebook about skin cancer titled "Dear 16 yr old me" or something like that. It had me thinking. What would I say to my self when I was younger? So listen up all you 20 somethings, here are 10 suggestions through lessons learned:
1. STOP, think about what YOU really want. Do not take ANYONE else into consideration for a minute, not your boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, parents, grandparents. What is stopping you from what you really want? Whatever or whoever it is, remove them from your life. Maybe not completely, but set them aside, break free from their control. Whether it is your parents and their financial support/control, your boyfriend/girlfriend and their dependent/co-dependent control or your friends and their social control. Whomever is blocking your way from who you are, whether they mean to or not, needs to be bypassed.
2. Get therapy! It really does help. Even if it is just for someone unbiased to talk to. Find out who you really are, what you really want and how to go about getting it. Because, believe me you are never going to have as much energy as you will for the next 5 years.
3. Move away, anywhere. Nothing will make you feel more confident than when you prove to yourself and others that you can make it (even if it is just for a year) all by yourself, out on your own.
4. Travel. Meet new people, learn about different cultures, see new environments. Yes, I know that traveling costs money, but you can do it pretty cheap with friends.
5. If/When you fall in love, don't stop being who you are. Realize why they fell in love with you in the first place. If you start trying to conform to who they want, although it may work in the short term, you will regret it in the long term.
6. Eat what you want when you want because your metabolism will never be this good again!
7. Tell people how you feel, don't expect them to just know. Learn to express yourself and be open to other's feelings. This is sometimes harder than it sounds.
8. Admit when you are wrong and do something about it. This was something I struggled with for years. Sometimes I still do. It's important to recognize when you make a mistake. It is not always necessary to be perfect or to be perceived as perfect. It is actually very freeing to let go and say "oopps!"
9.Recognize and appreciate friends. I have had many friends along the way. Some have stayed and some have gone. But each were in my life at a particular time for a particular reason. Even the "bad" friends who may have even hurt me, taught me so much and helped me along the way.
10. Have crazy great sex! Don't be inhibited. Enjoy your body and others (responsibly!) But enjoy it never the less. You will never be as taught, fit and flexible as you are now.
I would love to hear your "20's advice" in the comments below.
--Momma O
Honestly, looking back, my early 20s were not that great. I was working two jobs, one office job during the day and a bar maid job at night. I was going to community college 2 nights a week. I had my own place but was an enabler in a bad relationship. I was distant from my parents. And I did not value myself or my time. Of course, I did not know this then. I was 22 years old and convinced I could change the people and places around me without changing myself. I thought I was tough and independent, but I was just miserable. I lied to myself and others about how I was right where I wanted to be.
Lately, I have been seeing this thing on facebook about skin cancer titled "Dear 16 yr old me" or something like that. It had me thinking. What would I say to my self when I was younger? So listen up all you 20 somethings, here are 10 suggestions through lessons learned:
1. STOP, think about what YOU really want. Do not take ANYONE else into consideration for a minute, not your boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, parents, grandparents. What is stopping you from what you really want? Whatever or whoever it is, remove them from your life. Maybe not completely, but set them aside, break free from their control. Whether it is your parents and their financial support/control, your boyfriend/girlfriend and their dependent/co-dependent control or your friends and their social control. Whomever is blocking your way from who you are, whether they mean to or not, needs to be bypassed.
2. Get therapy! It really does help. Even if it is just for someone unbiased to talk to. Find out who you really are, what you really want and how to go about getting it. Because, believe me you are never going to have as much energy as you will for the next 5 years.
3. Move away, anywhere. Nothing will make you feel more confident than when you prove to yourself and others that you can make it (even if it is just for a year) all by yourself, out on your own.
4. Travel. Meet new people, learn about different cultures, see new environments. Yes, I know that traveling costs money, but you can do it pretty cheap with friends.
5. If/When you fall in love, don't stop being who you are. Realize why they fell in love with you in the first place. If you start trying to conform to who they want, although it may work in the short term, you will regret it in the long term.
6. Eat what you want when you want because your metabolism will never be this good again!
7. Tell people how you feel, don't expect them to just know. Learn to express yourself and be open to other's feelings. This is sometimes harder than it sounds.
8. Admit when you are wrong and do something about it. This was something I struggled with for years. Sometimes I still do. It's important to recognize when you make a mistake. It is not always necessary to be perfect or to be perceived as perfect. It is actually very freeing to let go and say "oopps!"
9.Recognize and appreciate friends. I have had many friends along the way. Some have stayed and some have gone. But each were in my life at a particular time for a particular reason. Even the "bad" friends who may have even hurt me, taught me so much and helped me along the way.
10. Have crazy great sex! Don't be inhibited. Enjoy your body and others (responsibly!) But enjoy it never the less. You will never be as taught, fit and flexible as you are now.
I would love to hear your "20's advice" in the comments below.
--Momma O
